Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Listen to old school song is really good.

"I should be so lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky
 I should be so lucky in love."

HAHAHAHA!

This morning when I'm listening to Redfm i heard this song. It's by Kylie Minogue. im not her fan. but this song is kinda cute. hehe. im not saying im not lucky in Love. im just not lucky in life T_T. *i mean, NOT YET*. im very frustrated with my job. wait, not my job. its my current situation and my income. the combination is soo not helping. the money finished in a flash. i dont even go shopping for the past few month! gosh!

SIGH.

because of that, im not moving forward. im stuck. i cant go anywhere, i cant buy anything, i eat too much because im stress and i dont know what to say. heh. such a perfect and interesting life i have. too much in my mind, to little in my bank. hehe. im soo frustrated i could laugh all day long. im weird. heheehhehehehheehehehehheheheheheehehehehhehhehehehh!

tata =)

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

random =)

semalam tertido awal gila. huhu. jadi terlepas peluang nak bergayut macam monyet. oh no. bergayut bercinta cinta di telephone. T_T . dah lah aku memang tak into sangat bergayut. sekali sekala je. and now, for ONE MONTH he have to call me everyday at least 10 mins. denda. oklah tu. bukan aku suruh buat benda yang lagi mencabar berenang ulang alik 30 kali atau makan bendasing macam fear factor. tapi bagus jugak sebenarnya. the more we talk, the better we understand each other right? bukan lah aku cakap yang aku dan si dia tak memahami satu sama lain. tapi memang kitorang jenis kureng dalam perbualan ni. aku sendiri pun tak pandai nak cerita semua benda kat dia.

contoh :

hari ni kan yang, aku nampak makcik tua lintas jalan. aku pun tolong. pastu aku nak beli syampu, nak beli syampu ape ek yang? yang harga murah tapi best. adoii, kaki aku melecet, banyak sangat garu sebab nyamuk asyik gigit sebab nyamuk lapar.

- seriously, aku memang tak reti nak cerita sampai ke akar umbi kehidupan aku dekat dia. walaupun dia insan paling penting dalam hidup aku. *excluding family*. tapikan, sebenarnya aku teringin jugak nak cerita benda - benda merepek dan lagha ni dengan dia. tapi i just cant. aku tak pandai. berat mulut. hehe. uit mimi, dah lah badan ko memang berat, mulut pun nak berat ke? macam harrammmm.

nasib lah. tonite dia kena kol aku 20 minit jugak. ganti yang semalam. heh.

oh ye, hari tu kitorang gi kubur arwah wan. (ALFATIHAH) pagi ahad hari tu. tiba - tiba datang seekor kucing yang comel lah jugak berlari - lari anak ke arah kitorang. sebenarnya ke mak aku. hehe. sampai kitorang pergi baca Yassin pun kucing tu dok menempel kat situ. hehe. jadi kitorang pun amik bawak balik. mandikan dan bagi makan semua. hamboi. tido terus dia tak ingat dunia. atas kusyen dengan aircond. ayah kata mesti bila die bangun dia pikir "eh aku kat man, alam barzakh atau syurga" hahaah! sebab selama ni dia kat kubur je. hehe.

nanti lah aku upload gambar mamat tu. adik aku kata jantan, mak aku cakap betina. walaupun aku suka kucing, aku memang fail untuk mengenal pasti jantina kucing. tsk! jadi sementara ni aku anggap die jantan. sebab tekaan adik aku pasal kucing ni selalu betul. pasal kucing jelah. pasal  lain hampeh. hehe. jadi nama kucing aku sekarang ialah.......

jeng jeng jeng jengggggg............







~GERALD BUTLER~

keh keh keh!

Monday, November 22, 2010

tips melupakan kisah lalu

atau paling tidak pun, memendamkan dalam hati yang paling dalam... eceyyyy.

aku tak tahu orang lain. tapi kalau aku, aku kategorikan myself as a pendendam person. whoahhh! its sound scary. yes i admit.. tapi takdelah sampai tahap memudarat kan orang lain. paling2 pun, memudaratkan diri sendiri T_T . Contoh kemudaratan diri sendiri? mestilah dengan makan banyak banyak banyak sampai gemuk gila babeng pakai suar tercabut butang tshirt suma ketat semacam hampeh..

banyak cara sebenarnya nak lupakan kisah kisah hidup yang sedih, pilu menatap wajahmu dan lain lain. keberkesanan nya? bergantung. tapi boleh lah cuba kan. heh.

1. Jangan diungkit kisah itu.
cakap senanglah kan. buat tengok? hehe. susah beb. aku pun makan tahun gak. itupun tak pandai lupa. we should try to forget and move on. tapi bukan semudah itu. kadang kadang, kita tak nak ingat pun. tapi teringat. amacam? bila teringat, hati jadi sedih. marah pun tiba - tiba membuak - buak.diamkan? boleh saja. tapi kita yang sakit. nak cakap pulak? nanti dikata kita mengungkit. huhu. perasaan ketika itu macam nak ditelan mati mak, diluah mati bapak. jadi? what to do? try to minimise the temptation to ingat kisah lama. sekali sekala marah is acceptable, afterall its their mistakes. but, kalau selalu sangat payah gak. jadi kalau selalu sangat teringat dan rasa nak mengungkit, cuba ingat kebaikan dah kebahagian yang pernah dia bagi dekat kita. it should help =)

2. Maaf zahir batin.
reffering to my previous entry, aku memang sudah memaafkan satu sama lain. ecehh. tapi nak lupakan tu, memang idak ler. im not that strong. huhu. tapi dengan memaafkan, kita lebih tenang kot. jadi kalau memaafkan sesuatu kesalahan itu membuat kita sendiri lebih tenang, apa salahnya kan?

3. Take it as a joke.
lagipun, life is a joke right? segala yang jadi tu ada sebab musababnya. dont take life to hard. take it easy. kalau nak ikut sakit hati, sampai mati luka tu tak pandai sembuh. parut dia dah kekal kat situ. kalau orang cuit sikit pun dah berdarah tanpa segan dan silu. makanya, jalan paling selamat? relax and take a chill pill. hihi.

4. Selalu ingat yang people always make mistake.
sama ada sengaja atau tidak, kita tak dapat elak the facts yang people always made mistake.aku pun salah jugak. dari banyak segi, dari semua bahagian. try to look at a positive side. kalau dia boleh silap langkah, tak mustahil satu hari nanti kita pun akan tersalah pilihan. put ourself in their condition. maybe, kita akan lebih memahami sikit.

5. Talk about happy happy happy moments.
of course, dalam setiap kepahitan *ayat takleh blah* akan ada kemanisannya. walau macam mana sakit nya hati kita, kita pernah bahagia.. kita pernah ketawa bersama. kita pernah berkongsi semua. refreshing memories about happy things mungkin boleh membuat kita lebih gembira dan tak mengingati kesalahan itu. kan?

cukuplah tu. sebenarnya banyak lagi kot. kita boleh keluar dengan member2, tengok wayang, bergosip, makan nasik, main kucing, tidur, baca Shin Chan dan lain lain. hehe. tapi, ingat. jangan terus lupa benda itu. mana tahu berulang lagi. kan? play smart.

Life is full of suprises anyway =)

Monday, November 15, 2010

.


kalau lah boleh dijahit dengan benang..

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Current.

I'm trying to be calm.









.............








I think I'll try my best :)

Friday, November 12, 2010

what did i do to avoid the pain?

na-da.
nothing.
nope.
tiada.

im ok now. thanks to those who are beside me. special thanks to Dadidu. this girl really understand my feeling and support me.

to those in my Twitter list, might know what im mumbling about. boleh agak lah kot. heh. so, the case was settled. in my mouth. but in my heart? frankly speaking : i dont know. i know myself. i am worst on handling my own problem. people might see im as a laid back person, but im not. i dont know how to handle my pain. you want to know how worst im talking about?

Exhibit A : i saw a crap. im getting emotional. im stressed. im not eating *which is veryyy suprising - come on.. me? not eating? it must be something really terrible.* im CRYING like every hour. im saying things im not intend to say. im looking at those crap over and over again and many more. than, after all the madness im creating, im getting my sense back. i deleted the crap. i forgive. but definitely im not forgetting. the level of trusting is decreasing. and were good. however, later on i will keep talking about the damn crap. i keep accussing. im out of my mind. and i feel bad. to the other person. and myself. im tired.

Exhibit B : after a year, i saw another crap. not worst than Exhibit A. but still make me out of my mind again. this time, im eating MUCH. im not crying. im laughing. im getting mad as hell. im thinking of walk away. im being very scarcastic. i want to slap. but i cant. this time, im not gonna deleted those crap. i give a second chance. eventhough im not 100% sure it is a right thing to do. the trusting level is dropping like a flash. i forgive and not forget as well. and when i woke up this morning, im mad again. not too much. but still mad. WAIT. im not exactly mad. i was sad. i was frustrated. yes, i am. first time is a mistake, but another time? its definitely not a mistake. it is stupid. im doomed.

so what is the part that never change in both situation?
 = im forgive. not forget =

because im not forget, the memory keep replay in my mind. in my shower. in my office desk. in the train. in my mom car. right now. when im eating. when im walking. when im laughing. when im thinking about something else *im a good multi-tasker* when im doing my laundry. when im listening to song. when im online. when im having my break. when im on the phone. when im missing someone. and soo. definitely, everytime in my life i wont forget the crap. its sealed in my mind. can you peeps tell me on how to remove this crap??

i took this quote from Twitter -

Everyone deserves a second chance, but trusting them won't be the same : DamnitsTrue.

forgive me when im losing my mind every now and then. forgive me for keep talking about the crap. forgive me for being a bitch. forgive me for keep repeating the same old sh*t. forgive me for that. forgive me.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

bila yang lama berulang kembali, hati mungkin tak seperti dulu lagi.

tiket AIRASIA murahhhhh gileee! huahuahauahuaahu! best nya!




tapi....




dont feel like travelling.

some thing happen.

re-happen actually, if there is such word.

dont know what to think, react and feel.

everything soo blury. *baca dalam irama lagu : tapi tak ingat lagu apa (-__-")*

hmmmmmm. entah ler senah. might be potrays myself as a happy and no problem girl!

let smile :)

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

YEAH!

yes!

Tomorrow is the day. nak bercantik-cantik lah. tapi memang tak dapat lah. esok kerja. and office aku pulak ade uniform. im look awful in my uniform. huk huk. jadi paling kuat nak bergaya pun, mekap sikit dan pakai minyak wangi.. hahaha! i cant wait to see his face. 3 bulan tuu. lama bangat. bawah ni adalah plan aku untuk muka aku besok :

cun tak? hehe






TAPI..













ini muka gua sebenar (-__-"") :


 p/s : amacam au naturel aku? muahahahaahahaha!!!

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

angan dan azam. InsyaAllah.

Being the ONLY daughter in my house nowadays, give me a different perspective on how i see the relationship of the family. keh keh. aku perasan jadi anak tunggal perempuan. sebab kakak aku dah kawin and adik aku hanya ada kat rumah on weekend, maka aku boleh berperasaan perasan (?). muahhaha! ok2, back to the basic. we are a weird family. those who know us very well, know what 'WEIRD' i am talking about. bukan lah maksud aku weird as kitorang tido siang tak tido malam, kitorang makan pasir pengganti nasik, ataupun kitorang jadi vegetarian. opss! vegetarian is NOT WEIRD. pardon me. i tried to be vege, but i just cant. haha. korang boleh kot. tapi aku just tak boleh terima hidup tanpa daging, ayam, segala jenis makanan yang indah yang ada di muka bumi ini. but aku makan sayur kira ok apeee. hi.

oittt, mimi. back to basic!

oh ye2. ape yang aku nak cerita tadi? (-_-")

oh pasal hubungan family aku. i mean, dengan parents aku. kita orang tak lah rapat sangat. its nothing personal, its just, kitorang memang indipendent kot dari kecik.*eceyy, perasan lagi!* betul tau, kitorang dari zaman sekolah time darjah2 lagi, kitarang dah tinggal kat rumah ALL ALONE. alone i mean is without our parents since diorang kerja time normal office hour. makanya, kitorang tinggal, panaskan lauk and the gap between sekolah kebangsaan dan sekolah agama tu adalah dengan secara berdikari. amacam, kagum tak? hehe. antara adik beradik, between me and both of my sisters is very close i could say. we share stories and opinion and 'mengumpat' together. hehe. tapi dengan parents takdelah rapat sangat. well, we still talk to each other, but e me personally never share something very personal with my parents. macam segan and malu and ada jurang la orang kata. ive seen my parents as two people that i have a respect towards them and love them at the same time. i CANT susah untuk melihat parents sebagai kawan dan kongsi semua cerita. that is weird family that i've been talking writing typing previously.

but people do change. and i change. sekarang, walaupun aku tak stori mori dengan diorang macam family lain, but i've tried. hehe. aku cuba lebih banyak bertanya dengan my parents and understand them. they are growing old. and i want to cherish every moment with them from now onwards. hehe. lately ni, aku ikut mak aku pegi keje, walaupun kadang2 aku pening kepala dengar dia membebel  aku tanya jugak lah mak aku sikit2 pasal anything and let her talk. since my mother LOVEEEEE to talk, hehe. jadi aku tadah telinga and dengar jelah. right now, mak aku tak berkenan dengan tempat kerja baru dia. she been working at the same place for almost 20 years or more, suddenly, they change her work place. of course my mom not feeling comfortable with her new workplace. 20 years is bloody long! people have used to something that never change. im pity her. nak suruh mak aku berhenti and duduk di rumah, aku belum mampu nak tanggung mak bapak aku. huhu. aku pun hujung2 bulan cari mak bapak aku jugak. *shy* jadi aku berazam kalau aku dapat kerja yang worth it and gaji yang Alhamdulillah, aku akan suruh mak aku berhenti. mak aku pun ada pencen. kalau aku tambah 1,2 rat, should be enough kot. Amin.

makanya, aku makin membuak2 nak cari peluang baru. oleh itu, au kena lah berhenti tulis blog ni. hehehe.

ok, babai.
"Love your parents, because they do love you :) "

Monday, November 1, 2010

lovely sound.


...

At least for me.
At least for me, right now.
This is by far the most lovely sound that i've ever heard.

xxxxxxxx

I am really missing him.
Badly.
xoxo.